So, officially 1 month into The Mahogany Tower AND 1 month into my PhD program. Crae. The latter is a bit less crae, to me at least, than the former. That is, of the two, the blog in many ways seems to me to be the more difficult thing (psychologically, of course). I don’t mind getting deep and vulnerable periodically with my inner circle… but to do that with the entire internet at large? Nah, I’m good. I hardly know most of you. But just because something is hard doesn’t mean it isn’t beneficial. The reason is simple. In every sense, I think we respond to people doing “the hard things”. When you watch that NFL or NBA player persevere through that injury during the playoffs… or you hear about the student who worked the entire time they were in college so they could pay for school… or your friend and/or colleague who recently quit their job for entrepreneurial pursuits. There’s something inside us that responds to people doing “the hard things”. There’s an underlying spiritual principle here, too. John 12:24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” Deep down inside, I think we all realize, sometimes in order for good to come, there’s going to be a sacrifice of some sort necessary, like doing “the hard things”.
Doing “the hard things” sounded like a really familiar phrase, so I wanted to track down where I initially heard it for the first time. Dan Waldschmidt may or may not be the origin, but he had some thoughts on his sales blog on the topic. The post wasn’t super descriptive, but there were a few comments that resonated with me, probably because it helped me further articulate what I was thinking. I’ll frame my anecdotes within 3 of his comments on doing the hard things.
YOU HAVE TO FEEL UNSURE AND INSECURE WHEN PLAYING IT SAFE SEEMS SMARTER.
I wrote quite a bit about social scripts and social expectations in my last post. Have you ever noticed that people never have questions when you proceed with the status quo? Seriously! The questions usually come when you deviate from the norm. With that, there can come a lot of uncertainty, and perhaps insecurity as well. In the context of higher education, particularly advanced degrees (JD, MD, DDS, PharmD, PhD, etc.) within the minority community, this is especially problematic. While there are exceptions for sure (in fact, most of my immediate family are practicing physicians), you won’t see an abundance of underrepresented minorities in advanced degree programs or in fields that require an advanced degree, hence the title ‘underrepresented’. For this community, earning an advanced degree is far from the norm. In other words, if you’re expecting validation, support, and encouragement from people who may have a similar background as you, the odds are rather low. Outside of the academic community, it can be more of the same, as even though you may be highly respected for your standing in an advanced degree program, questions within your community remain about your career prospects. “What do you do with a PhD in [insert your discipline here] anyways?”, they may say at the dinner table during Thanksgiving or over some drinks at a bar you like. Depending on how influential these individuals are in your life, comments like these may influence you a great deal, influence you very little, or somewhere in between. But take heart; this is just a normal part of doing “the hard things”. In fact, if you don’t, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy: the reason why there are so many questions is because so many members of the minority community have never seen it done before (I know ZERO Hispanic physicians. True story). If they observed it more regularly, there wouldn’t be nearly as many questions to start with, so don’t second guess yourself. This segways well into another comment from Dan…
YOU HAVE TO LOOK LIKE A FOOL WHILE YOU’RE LOOKING FOR ANSWERS YOU DON’T HAVE.
Let me start this by saying I like to have answers. I like to have the right answer, and I like to have the best answer. Who knows, maybe that’s how I ended up doing consulting, but it’s just who I am. So believe me when I say this post is just as much for me as it is for you, because I KNOW that I don’t like not having answers. But to reiterate my comment earlier, this is part of the normal course of doing “the hard things”. Sometimes you have to look like a fool while you’re looking for answers you don’t have. I have a handful of Christian friends in the arts and/or entertainment. Entertainment can be a pretty hostile environment for a man or woman of faith. As a woman, it’s probably a lot easier to make it in Hollywood if you take your clothes off. It’s tough for people in sports, too, although in a different capacity. Heck, at least for our male athletes, we’ve come to expect a reckless, indulgent lifestyle: drugs, women, infidelity, and the like just sound like the status quo now. The arts aren’t much better. For rap at least, if your music isn’t about drugs, women, money and/or material things, the market for your music just narrowed, considerably. Some would even say these aren’t professions that fit particularly well in the Christian lifestyle (others would argue that’s the exact reason we need to support Christians in entertainment a lot more, which I tend to agree with), but there is a legitimate question of if and how it will work for men and women of God who want to excel in these environments.
Truthfully, you’re probably not going into entertainment or the arts, but maybe you’re in a similar predicament, thinking, “I wonder how this is going to work.” “How am I going to get this business off the ground?” “Where on earth am I going to get all that money for law school?” “How will I balance all of this with being a single parent?” The reality is, when we do the hard things, sometimes we start with a lot more questions than we have answers (and yes, sometimes we do look a little foolish as we fumble around looking for answers). It’s not unusual. It’s not out of place. It’s not out of the ordinary. It just comes with doing “the hard things”.
YOU HAVE TO LEAD WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS FOLLOWING YOU YET.
This is probably my favorite comment from Dan. There’s a certain comfort that comes with following someone else, knowing that they’ve gone before you. As I mentioned, most of my immediate family members are practicing physicians. “If they can do it, I can do it.”, I tell myself. They did the hard thing. But I’m not ignorant to the fact my situation, within the minority community, is otherwise an anomaly. That is, most underrepresented minorities probably DON’T have a family member who went before them and did the hard thing (PhD, JD, MD, DDS, PharmD, etc.). Similarly, the same can be said for their circle of peers. Hey, it comes with doing “the hard things”. Sometimes you have to be the first (or one of the first). There are spiritual applications here, too. Check out John 21:18-22. Jesus is having one of his last conversations with Peter, and He’s dropping some wisdom, particularly concerning Peter’s future.
Interestingly, Jesus told Peter the plan for his life (vs. 18), which actually included a description of doing the hard thing. Peter’s response was “Okay, but what about John?” Peter was thinking is John coming too? What’s the plan for him? How is he going to die? None of those questions were really important. Because when you lead, you have to lead even if no one is following. Jesus told Peter what he needed to do. With John or without John, the vision for his life was just made known. We do this too. Sometimes we have a feel for the vision for our lives, but we wait to see if anyone is going to follow us. But the reality is leading when no one is following is just part of doing “the hard things”.
We could have this discussion all day, with lots of different applications, but I’m sure the wheels are already turning in your mind. The real question is what’s the hard thing for you? And what’s required of you in order to do… well… “the hard thing”?
Nnamdi
Nice follow up to the last post! Flipping the script, means doing the hard thing. Not being in the majority SUCKS. The pay off is far off and not promised and theres very little reassurance along the way. But my question is: how do you get the benefits of doing the easy/normal thing (i.e. salary, stability, etc.) while doing the hard thing? Isn’t it part of the “script” that doing the hard thing means missing out on the easy-thing benefits? Is struggling or accepting less an inevitable part of doing the hard thing? Or are there other options? #QTNA
Hmmm, actually, Jackie, I tend not to see the two as mutually exclusive (although they can be in some cases). That is, simply because the road is difficult doesn’t mean it won’t be rewarding.
If you’re a first generation college student, doing the hard thing may be going to college after high school, instead of working, joining the military, etc., as other members of your family may have done. I think we’d both agree there’s a payoff there, albeit not in the short term. In spite of that payoff, it’s still unlikely to be understood in that social setting, making it “the hard thing”.
To use an example from the post, if you’re an aspiring entrepreneur, doing the hard thing might be starting the business, in spite of your fears, concerns, insecurities, etc. I think we’d agree there’s a payoff there, too, albeit not in the short term. Socially, I’m sure as a SUCCESSFUL business owner, you’d be highly respected, esteemed, etc. While you’re in the grind for the first 3 to 7 years or so, that probably wouldn’t be as true. So socially, we see a similar trend, at least for this case.
I see “the hard things” as something difficult, intimidating, or unlikely to be understood by some who are doing the status quo. That’s not to say there isn’t a return on investment, although that can certainly be the case depending on specifics (ie. leaving a job in corporate to work in non profit would be a great example, and I’m sure we know people who’ve done this!).
Nnamdi